7. Lean, but not too much – If you want to show that you are
interested in what someone is saying, lean toward the person talking. If you
want to show that you're confident in yourself and relaxed lean back a bit. But
don't lean in too much or you might seem needy and desperate for some approval.
Or lean back too much or you might seem arrogant and distant.
8. Smile and laugh –
lighten up, don't take yourself too seriously. Relax a bit, smile and laugh
when someone says something funny. People will be a lot more inclined to listen
to you if you seem to be a positive person. But don't be the first to laugh at
your own jokes, it makes you seem nervous and needy. Smile when you are introduced
to someone but don't keep a smile plastered on your face, you'll seem
insincere.
9. Don't touch your
face – it might make you seem nervous and can be distracting for the listeners
or the people in the conversation.
10. Keep your head up
– Don't keep your eyes on the ground, it might make you seem insecure and a bit
lost. Keep your head up straight and your eyes towards the horizon.
11. Slow down a bit –
this goes for many things. Walking slower not only makes you seem more calm and
confident, it will also make you feel less stressed. If someone addresses you,
don't snap you're neck in their direction, turn it a bit more slowly instead.
12. Don't fidget –
try to avoid, phase out or transform fidgety movement and nervous ticks such as
shaking your leg or tapping your fingers against the table rapidly. You'll seem
nervous and fidgeting can be a distracting when you try to get something
across. De-clutter your movements if you are all over the place. Try to relax,
slow down and focus your movements.
13. Use your hands
more confidently – instead of fidgeting with your hands and scratching your
face use them to communicate what you are trying to say. Use your hands to
describe something or to add weight to a point you are trying to make. But
don't use them to much or it might become distracting. And don't let your hands
flail around, use them with some control.
14. Lower your drink
– don't hold your drink in front of your chest. In fact, don't hold anything in
front of your heart as it will make you seem guarded and distant. Lower it and
hold it beside your leg instead.
15. Realize where you
spine ends – many people (including me until recently) might sit or stand with
a straight back in a good posture. However, they might think that the spine
ends where the neck begins and therefore crane the neck forward in a Montgomery
Burns-pose. Your spine ends in the back of your head. Keep your whole spine
straight and aligned for better posture.
16. Don't stand too
close – everybody gets creepy by a close-talker. Let people have their personal
space, don't invade it.
17. Mirror – Often
when you get along with a person, when the two of you get a good connection,
you will start to mirror each other unconsciously. That means that you mirror
the other person's body language a bit. To make the connection better you can
try a bit of proactive mirroring. If he leans forward, you might lean forward.
If he puts hands in pocket, you might do the same. But don't react instantly
and don't mirror every change in body language. Then weirdness will ensue.
18. Keep a good
attitude – last but not least, keep a positive, open and relaxed attitude. How
you feel will come through in your body language and can make a major
difference. For information on how make yourself feel better read 10 ways to
change how you feel and for relaxation try a very simple way to feel relaxed
for 24 hours.
You can change your
body language but as all new habits it takes a while. Especially things like
keeping you head up might take time to correct if you have spent thousands of
days looking at your feet. And if you try and change to many things at once it
might become confusing and feel overwhelming.
Take a couple of
these body language bits to work on every day for three to four weeks. By then
they should have developed into new habits and something you'll do without even
thinking about it. If not, keep on until it sticks. Then take another couple of
things you'd like to change and work on them.
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